Here is the American Horror Story Season 5, Episode 1 “Checking In.” For more American Horror Story recaps and reviews, click HERE…
It opens with a shot of the Hotel Cortez. A cab pulls up and let’s out two blonde women. They are excited about going to Universal Studios. Once they have their luggage the cab driver leaves. They walk into the hotel and head to the front desk. Along the way we see this hotel is immaculate.
Chandeliers everywhere, huge lobby, bar stocked and ready to serve. One of them rings the bell. The girls become uneasy when they realize that the hotel is as quiet as a tomb. The second one rings the bell again. Iris the reservation clerk (Kathy Bates) comes out. The girls go back and forth about staying there. The second girl ask for their deposit back. Iris becomes angry and says no refunds through gritted teeth.
They decide to stay. Iris tells them to trust her and that the hotel will grow on them. She takes them up to their room. She opens the room door and explains they don’t have wifi because the hotel is a dead zone. Nice choice of words. She tells them if they lose their keys its a 50 dollar charge for new ones. The first girl has two mini vodka bottles. They ask where the ice machine is. She tells them and then says for them to knock themselves out and leaves. The second girl heads to the ice machine. She passes a maid (Mare Winningham) cleaning a sheet.
The maid tells her their was a terrible accident in room 51….just ghastly. The girl keeps walking. Even though I’m clearly shaking my head no. She turns the corner and sees a little blonde boy. He points his finger behind her and she turns to see a little blonde girl. She heads towards her and zooms off. The little boy is gone when she looks back the other way. She gets her ice we see a gloved hand coming at her. When she feels it on the back of her neck she turns and nothing is there. She heads back to the room.
The first girl is lighting candles trying to get rid of a smell. The second girl calls the front desk and complains. Iris is rude. The girl calls her a bitch. The first girl notices some thing odd about the bed. She tells the second girl the smell is coming from the bed. They see the bed has been stitched back up. The second girl gets a knife to rip the seam open with. I don’t think this is a wise idea. I was right terrible idea just ghastly. A guy comes out of the bed and goes straight for them.
The opening credits are kind of strange. The 10 commandments are listed out of order as each scene ends.
So the girls manage to escape the crazy guy coming out of the bed. Iris apologizes and tells them she will put them somewhere else until the police come. She puts them in a much bigger and nicer room. The first girl reminds her that she said there were no other rooms for rent. Iris tells them they don’t rent this one. We see its room 64 as the door shuts.
One hour later…. The girls are still waiting. The second d girl ends up falling asleep. The radio wakes her up at 2:25 in the morning. She realizes the first girl is missing and sleepily gets up. She heads toward a door. She opens it and finds the two kids from earlier drinking from her friend. She screams.
In a lobby paramedics rush in with a gurney. A cop is right behind them. Only its not about the girls it’s about a man and a woman. They were attacked and then posed naked on the bed. She is on top with a rod through her and into him and her hands are nailed to the headboard the dude is alive but missing his tongue and eyes. They are in a ashtray which the show is only to happy to show us. The cops name is Jon (Wes Bently). He looks around and studies the layout. He deduces that the two are married but not to each other. Whoever did this did with the intention of saying that they are all blind to what’s been going on. It gets better yo. The guy is still hard and been glued inside the dead chick on top of him.
Back at the station Jon is all business. He sits down at his desk and puts in a earbud. He listens as someone goes over another murder and he looks at the pictures. He gets a call from his daughter and answers it. He ask if her mom wants to talk to him. The mom says no. He pulls out Little Women to read with his daughter. A cop comes in and tells him he has a call. He says to take a message. The cop says he was pretty adamant. Jon say he is to and them opens the book and starts reading.
Later he gets a call. It’s the killer and he tells him he is at the Hotel Cortez room 64 and he is going to kill again.
A blonde guy is checking in at the Hotel Cortez. He wants the 130 rate but he Iris tells him its 150. He says its bullshit but throws the money on the counter anyway. The Iris gets him the key to room 64. The guy walks away from the desk. Sally as in hypodermic (Sarah Paulson) watches him go. She says to Iris she has dibs on him…she hasn’t see one this sweet in awhile. The guy goes in the room and starts shooting up. When he is a high as high can be a person in a white rubber suit with a pointy drill bit for a penis appears and begins raping him. Sally appears and walks over to him and sits down next to him. The guy is screaming in pain. Sally tells him the more he screams the more he likes it. tells him to say he loves her. The guy does and the demon stops. He tells Sally he loves her one last time and then he passes out. Sally sits back and lights a cigarette.
Jon gets to the Hotel Cortez while all that is going on. Iris has Liz Taylor (Dennis O’Hare) take him to the room. Liz actually repeats room 64 and Iris says yes room 64. The cop ask Liz what kind of people stay at the hotel. Liz tells him some people rent by the month some rent by the hour and the old timers have been there since the dawn of time. Liz tells him he can see the pain in his eyes. He has lost someone important to him and he is frozen in time he can’t move forward and he can’t go back. Liz is walking Jon to the room. I love the heels very Rocky Horror. Liz opens the door and Jon says he will take it from here.
Liz puts out his hand. Jon says he doesn’t have any cash. Liz tells him money isn’t everything. Jon goes in the room with his gun drawn and looks around carefully. Nothing is there well not in plain view anyway. Jon lays down on the bed and slowly nods off. Under the bed is the guy from earlier he gasp and is awake. Once again it’s 2:25 in the morning. Jon wakes up to a little blonde boy watching him. The kid takes off and Jon gets up and says Holden. Jon chases him down the never ending maze that is the hallway. He stops and covers his face and looks around.
Next up we finally get to see the Countess (Lady Gaga) and Donovan (Matt Bomer) they get dressed up. The Countess does some coke. They head to a park with a stroll through a cemetery along the way. Donovan lays out a blanket for them to sit on. They are pretty much just there. A girl notices Donovan and the Countess. Her partner seems equally enthused with them so well Nosferatu plays in the back ground the four make googly eyes at each other. One thing leads to another and pretty soon they are all four in the Countess’s bed. It’s all very Bad Romance video like. They fool around for a bit but then Donovan and the Countess decide its snack time. After sucking them dry they decide to have sex right there because you know why not. Afterward the Countess has a cigarette and calls for the maid.
Jon pulls up in front of his house and sits there for a few minutes before going in. Alex (Chloe Sevigny) is upset he is late because she needs to leave for work. Once Alex leaves he and his daughter go for sushi.
Back at the Hotel Cortez. Iris is heading down the hall with a cart with a platter on it. She comes in a room where the two girls are still alive but in cages with fluorescent lights on them. Iris starts yelling at them for taking drugs and ask if there mother know they are junkies and then calls them dumb Swedish meatballs. Iris uncovers the tray and whips out a blender. She makes a drink with oysters, livers, and kidneys. Ewwww… She adds a little champagne as well. Sally walks in and ask her if she really needs to be so aggressive and if she can’t have a little compassion.
Iris tells her to, get out, that she doesn’t give a shit about those girls. Sally says and you do. Iris says she is stuck in that cesspool because of Sally that she is the beginning and the end of all her suffering. Iris tells her she is done and Sally can do it but she better do a good job or otherwise she will have to explain to her why they still taste like shit. Sally tells the girls that a man used to have puppets in that room to entertain people with. She opens the second girls cage and tells her she is going to entertain her. Sally tells her to move her with her tears. Then she tells the girl to run when she doesn’t move Sally screams run. They girl takes off. She almost makes it. The Countess kills her by which I mean she slots her throat with her nail. Then licks the blood spatter off her finger that she wiped off her face. Iris tells her she doesn’t know what happened she must have gotten loose. The Countess tells her it can never happen again and then walks off. Iris looks terrified and the girl well she just lays on the ground bleeding to death.
Jon and his daughter are eating sushi. Scarlett tells her dad that she had a dream about Holden and she can only see his face in her dreams. She ask her dad if he remembers what he looks like. Jon tells her yes. Scarlett wants to put the pictures back up. Jon’s phone dings and Scarlett says no electronics at the dinner table. Jon tells her it’s her mom. It’s a message with a address and a message asking for help. He calls and it goes straight to voicemail. Jon arrives at the address and another cop car is already there. He ask the guy to watch his daughter so naturally he doesn’t. Scarlett gets out of the car and heads into the house. Meanwhile the killer calls Jon and antagonizes him. So well Jon roams the house looking for a killer Scarlett finds to dead guys with their guts hanging out of them. She screams and Jon is off and running. He finds her and he grabs her.
Flashback to 2010 we see what happened to Holden. They were at a fair and Jon leaves Alex and Scarlett to take Holden to get something to eat. He puts him on the Merry-Go-Round and then gets distracted by his phone. When he looks up Holden has disappeared.
Back in the present Alex is telling Jon she wants to go stay in New Hampshire. Jon is against and says it will be to hard on Scarlett. Alex is creaking out because the killer had her phone. She ask Jon if he knows where they live. Jon tells Alex he will leave. Alex says she secretly wants him to. She tells him that she sees Holden in his face everyday and she just needs a break from it all.
Back at the Hotel a Lady Gaga video built a real estate agent arrives with Will Drake (Cheyenne Jackson). Iris doesn’t quite understand what’s going on so they spell it out for her Will is the proud new owner of the Cortez. Iris says well excuse me but nobody tells me shit around here. He heads up to the penthouse and is greeted by a very naked Donovan. Donovan demands to know who In the hell they are. The Countess appears and was fully aware that Will was coming and tells him she can’t wait to see what he does with the hotel. The agent decides to give Will the full tour and while they are busy doing that the Countess takes his son for a walk. The Countess shows him a secret passage in the hotel. He ends up in a game room with a kids dream full of candy busting out of the walls. You know who the little boy meets Jon’s son Holden. He ask him if he wants to play video games.
Donavan comes down to the lobby and is greeted by Iris who ask him if he knows the hotel was sold. Donovan calls her mother and tells her to consider it a blessing. She tells him she is there because she needs to,see him everyday. Donovan tells her it’s time to let go and leaves.
Flashback 1994: Sally is walking into the lobby of the Hotel Cortez. Iris is watching from her car. Donovan follows Sally in. They go past Liz at the desk. Iris runs in and ask if he can tell her what room the couple that just came in is in. Liz tells her that is a no tell motel. Iris says the boy is her son and the junkie is about to give him dope. Liz puts her hand out. Iris goes off to the ATM to get cash for Liz who tells her it’s right next to the maxi pads.
Meanwhile her son is having trouble finding a vein. Sally on the other hand is good to go. She cries a little and then goes to hand the needle to Donovan. Donovan looks at her like she is crazy and ask if she is going to give him a clean needle. Sally laughs and says she is the cleanest person he knows. Donovan takes it. Super super high he is. Sally meanwhile is putting on lipstick badly.
Iris bangs on the door. Donovan dies from a drug overdose. Iris pleads for Sally to call the police but she won’t she instead grabs her stuff and leaves. Sally stumbles down the hall and comes to a open window. She watches the curtain flutter in the breeze. She turns around just in time to see Iris grab her and push her out the window. Sally dies after she crashes and cracks on the ground. Iris walks down the maze of a hallway. Iris comes upon the Countess sitting on the bed with her dad son. Iris ask who she is. The Countess says your son has a jaw line for days and puts her nail to it. Iris just stands and watches.
Jon is packing a suitcase. Alex watches him. Jon goes into Scarlett’s room and kisses her on top of the head. He takes his stuff and and checks into the Hotel Cortez. Jon will be staying in room 64.