Catch up on your favorite horror comedy with this recap and review of Scream Queens Season 1, Episode 5 ‘Pumpkin Patch’. Get the latest on top TV shows with all of Hollywood Hiccup’s recaps by clicking here…
The Chanel’s are all headed downstairs to meet with the guy Chanel hired to do her pumpkin patch. On the way she talks about this crazy party she had where at the end they burned the house and the firemen came only they were strippers so they put it out with champagne. Damn that was a mouthful.
Apparently, she will have Cherub statues that will be peeing vodka. Chanel claps her hands and says love. Cliff gets to the corn maze part and Chanel flips he explains that a replica of the maze from the Shining would have taken them over budget. Chanel offers this as her rebuttal ” I told you money was no object. I’m gross rich Cliff. So get me with great haste my replica of the maze from the Shining with knee deep snow drifts.” Cliff leaves to do her bidding.
Chanel ask about music without missing a beat (see what I did there?) Hester tells her that Adam Levine and Maroon Five are in. Earmuff Chanel is next up and she explains how Fergie the singer and Fergie the duchess is also out ….funny story she googled the wrong agent, but whatever. Chanel says so stupid and turns to number 5. Number 5 wasn’t able to get Led Zeppelin. Chanel goes ballistic. Number 5 tries to explain what of the band members is dead.
Chanel is all, “Damn it number 5! Do you realize that my ego, my place as your sociopath leader, and some guy who likes to sleep with everyone with my name are at stake?” Number 5 points out it isn’t her fault some guy dies in the seventies. Chanel replies with a excuse me then who’s fault is it…. Mine? Chanel tells her she is over it and then starts to stomp away she turns and tells her minions they still have one thing to do.
Chanel comes into her room dressed like Jackie Kennedy and even then she still has to explain what’s going on. She is going as her for Halloween and the rest will also be going as the wives of dead presidents. Hester will be going as McKinley’s wife, Earmuffs is going as Garfield’s wife. Earmuffs doesn’t like it and ask about going as Lincoln’s wife. She can’t because that’s who Number 5 is supposed to be going as. Chanel tells her they can open it up to wives who’s husbands almost got assassinated which means she either goes as Betty Ford and stays wasted all night or she goes as Nancy Reagan. Dibs on Reagan. Number 5 gets pissed and tells Chanel she is dome with her. Chanel tells her either she can dress as Mary Todd Lincoln are she can pack her bags and leave. Chanel says there’s the door. Hester gets all in her face and says there’s the door bitch. Number 5 leaves. Hester tells Chanel she is sorry and doesn’t deserve to be disrespected like that…ever. Chanel looks a bit concerned.
Dean Munsch has all the girls and boys called in for a meeting. She claps her hands and tells them she has called them there because they are the ones most likely to be killed by the alleged psychopath. I tend to agree. Wes says she has a plan to keep them safe. Grace is like wait we aren’t all here…she says they need to be out looking for Zayday. Number 5 tells everybody to shut up. Then she ask the Dean if she is closing down the campus. She says yes and everybody screams back no. Hester yells I hate you right now. Grace is still all about looking for Zayday. Chad yells order in the court. Chad says “I took a class last year called American Presidents or something like that. They taught me about a man named John F. Kennedy Jr. who wrote a book about the time he served in Vietnam called Profiles In Courage.” There a lot more but I’m just gonna skip to the best parts. He talks about how the should have the right to show off their bods on Halloween. He calls John F. Kennedy the 60th President. He ends with canceling Halloween sucks. The Dean looks at him and says “I have no idea how you got into this college.” Chad gives her the oh you know how I did look and winks at her. She then goes on to say that the curfew is still on and Halloween is cancelled. The girls start freaking out and saying she doesn’t have the authority. Gigi says it’s ok they will just play Charades. Chanel makes a impassioned plea that involves black hairy tongue disease which is code for my reign as queen bee is at stake here. The Dean says sorry not sorry and leaves. Chad goes up to Chanel and says she blames her for this. Then he says to Hester nice boobs. Chanel can’t believe it.
Later Chanel is in room typing a email. “Dear Student Body… as you all know by now Dean Munsch has decided to cancel Halloween. My daddy’s lawyer said there wasn’t enough time to file a injunction and that I clearly don’t understand what a injunction is if I asked him to file one in this situation. That said I refuse to allow Dean Munsch to keep us from stopping the scourge that is black hairy tongue disease in its black hairy tracks. So while I will honor the Halloween curfew I will not let anyone miss out on coming out in costume to support a great cause and to make me look really good. That is why I am opening up my charity pumpkin patch at 12:01 on November 1st. It will be on the corner of Awesome St. and Totally Bitching Ave. Join me in saying you are not afraid and remember Chanel Oberlin is above the law. (How much do you want to bet the last statement bites her in the ass.)
Hester finds Number 5 in the kitchen baking cookies with toenails on them for the trick or treaters. When Hester questions her she explains that she came up with all the ideas that make Chanel …well…Chanel. Hester wants to know why she is punishing the little kids instead of Chanel. Number 5 ask her who’s side she is on. Hester tells her she is a switch hitter. Number 5 goes wait so your bisexual because that’s what switch hitter means or did you mean double agent. Hester says yeah I’m a double agent. Hester tells her she has a idea.
They go to Jennifer’s room who is informing everyone in the candle community that Halloween has been cancelled. She is wearing so,e really creepy ant goggles. She also has like a bunch of ant farms on her wall. She says its a family. Freaky freaky girl. Hester skips to the point and brings up Zayday running for President. Jennifer says she will lose. Hester says but if her, Jennifer and Number 5 throw it so Zayday wins then she can be second in command and pull the strings in the background just like Dick Cheney. Jennifer says Zayday would make Grace her Vice President. Number 5 brings up all the candles Chanel has on her closet she only used once. Jennifer wants to see them. Jennifer screams when she sees them. Jennifer says each one of them is worth a hundred dollars each. She wants to melt them down into one big candle. Number 5 thinks that’s a revolutionary idea. Jennifer is down to help.
Chanel is in class when the instructor realizes she is getting help from the guy next to her. He walks over and ask if she is cheating. Chanel says God no that he is her Asian. The instructor says excuse me . Chanel explains that she keeps him on retainer to come take test for her…anything that is math and science. He threatens to report her to Dean Munsch. Chanel picks up her phone and says she is calling her daddy to get the instructor canned. Someone knocks on the classroom door. The cops come in and walks over to her. The cop tells her she is under arrest for the. Under of Agatha Bean. As they lead her out kids are taking picture of her. Chanel reminds herself that it’s a good thing she wore something nice that day and to smile for her mugshot. As she is driven away she sees all the Chanel’s standing there in sunglasses watching her.
Zayday wakes up and starts screaming for help.
We see the Red Devils lair… He has do you really want to hurt me playing so I guess he likes Boy George. He opens a trap door and Zayday sees him standing over her with a dog (very silence of the lambs) she starts screaming and he shits the door.
The girls are all seated at a table pretending to eat. Holy cow last week it was cotton balls and this weeks it’s air. Grace comes running in and says now that Chanel is under arrest they can do the things they want to do and Grace this the first thing they should do is look for Zayday. Earmuffs tells her since she is number 3 she is in charge and she can some up how she feels in one word. Indifference. Pete says she needs them. Hester says she doesn’t want anything to happen to Zayday but at the same shouldn’t she prove her worth by being able to escape from the lair of a psychopath. Number 3 shuts her down so her and Pete leave to see if her dad will help them.
Grace goes home and finds her dad and Gigi in the middle of doing it because apparently Black Velvet is the most sexual song ever written according to Gigi. Grace covers her eyes, Pete leaves to go to another room anyone will do. Wes goes flying over the edge of his bed and Gigi tries to say they were in the middle of a high five. Didn’t know boobs could high five…Learn something new everyday. Gigi tries to explain they were on a lunch date. Grace ask if that’s a thing. Gigi explains its less formal than dinner but more formal than just coffee. Grace says she just wanted to let them know Zayday is still missing. Wes tells her that he and Gigi will help her look for her. Pete finds Gigi’s pants…in the kitchen.
Chanel is in jail whining about her father not bailing her out because he has a big stock holders meeting coming up and he is going to endorse Ted Cruz. Chanel can’t believe he wants to pretend like she doesn’t exist….again. Chanel says she is pretty sure her so called friends are the ones that turned her in so she is feeling super alone. Millie tells her not to worry that they have her back. Chanel thanks her. Millie tells her that Chanel sent her a gift last Chanel-O-Ween. OMG!!! She tells Chanel she is a style genius. A guard tells Chanel her bail has been posted. She stands up and says later losers.
When she comes out she sees Earmuffs and predatory Liz. She calls them true friends. Earmuffs says she owes her three hundred thousand no questions asked. Chanel says its time for some GD payback.
Munsch and Denise are bonding over the fact they both nailed Chad. Munsch says it was like 45 seconds long. Denise on the other hand says it was amazing. Apparently Denise jams dome him more than once. They are in to role play but it’s because they both do extensive research. Grace and company burst in and Grace tells her they need her help looking for Zayday. Munsch says she already called the police even though she is supposed to wait 72 hours. Grace says she could be dead by then. Gigi says she could be dead now. Gigi apologizes but says it’s true. Denise says Zayday isn’t dead because she is the killer. Grace says it isn’t possible. Denise says. Bitch had a chainsaw in her room. Munsch tells them she hired Denise. Denise assures them she will find Zayday and then throw her in the slammer for murder. Pete says if Denise thinks Zayday is the killer she shouldn’t be the one looking for her. Munsch says that just makes Denise extra motivated to find her. Wes let’s be known that he and Gigi are a couple. Grace and Pete leave to look for Zayday and Denise is right behind them.
Chanel comes flying in to where Number 5 is and demands to know where her Mary Todd Lincoln costume is. Chanel accuses her of being the bitch who sold her down the river. Number 5 says she didn’t do it. Chanel tells her she is lying and Heater told her everything. Jennifer is in on it to as we see via flashback. Number 5 keeps proclaiming her innocence but Chanel isn’t buying it. Chanel gives her to options either she kills her buy ramming a pick into her eye socket or she can go get the pumpkin patch ready. Number 5 tells her the killer will be out. Chanel says maybe she will get her head sawed off and she can’t think of a better Chanel-O-Ween treat than that. Number 5 refuses to do it. Chanel says that’s fine she has a plan b. She will show Roger and Dodger video of her rubbing one out to Dora the Explorer. Number 5 can’t believe she has cameras in her room. Chanel says she has eyes everywhere bitch. Chanel tells her she wants candles in every Jack-O-Lantern.
Grace has a map out and she is showing everyone where they need to look for Zayday. Gigi knows way to much about the house and a would be kidnapping scenario not to be in up to her eyeballs with the Red Devils. Grace realizes they can track her phone with its GPS. Pete gets a laptop and ask what the password is. Though another mini flashback we find out it is Oakland nachos. They get the address of where her phone is. Denise says she has all the manner of spy gear they will ever need.
Wes tries to apologize to Grace. Grace whispers that Gigi is mentally disturbed. Gigi whispers that she can hear them. Denise comes in me says to come help her because she is trying to catch a killer. Damn! Denise out.
Over in Chanel’s pumpkin patch Number 5 is in the company of Roger and Dodger. While she lights pumpkins they go into the Shining maze. The Red Devil appears and starts chasing her with some hedge clippers. Number 5 runs into the Shining maze and the guys coming running to see what’s going on. They are trying to get out of the maze and away from the Red Devil. The Red Devil looks like he is just taking a nightly stroll but with hedge clippers instead of a puppy. Anyway while running through the maze they start discussing their relationship and tell her to pick which one of them she likes best. It’s a problem as it turns out the Red Devil solves by gutting Dodger.
They get to the house and a old lady open the cellar door for them. Denise tells everyone to take a taser and that there are also compasses and decoder rings in the box. WTH is the decoder ring for to call the Justice League? Gigi says what about flashlights. Denise says oh crap I forgot the flashlights. Just Wow. Wes tells Grace to stay close to him once they get down there. The old lady ask what she is supposed to do with the taser. Denise takes it and says not a thing. Denise then ask Pete what is wrong with him.
Down in the cellar which I’m sure is where Zayday is from the looks of it. Grace says they need to split up into teams. Gigi says she will go with Denise. Grace, Pete , and Wes find the Red Devils lair and some Oakland nachos. Grace steps on the trap door and lifts it and starts screaming for Zayday.
Gigi and Denise are roaming around. They find the room the weapons are kept in. Denise says she is getting a nervous feeling in her stomach and if she starts farting does Gigi promise not to tell anyone. Gigi promises.
Zayday isn’t in the hole and the Red Devil turns off the lights. They all freak out. The Red Devil has on night vision goggles and sees Gigi and Denise. He grabs a weapon fro the plethora hanging around. They get in a game of taser me of you can and Gigi is the winner. Denise can’t believe she did it. Denise heads Grace scream for her and she leaves Gigi with the stunned Red Devil. Denise flips the switch and runs in the room. They ask her what happened and she takes a time out to drink some wine. Too funny.
Denise tells them that Gigi tazed the Red Devil after Denise tazed her in the boobs. They run back and find that the Red Devil supposedly hit Gigi and got away. Denise wants to take off and look for him. Grace wants to call the cops and tell the they found his lair. Wes makes a call and Grace thanks Gigi. Gigi wins bonus brownie points. Denise comes back she didn’t find the Red Devil or Zayday.
Chanel wants the girls to vote even without Grace and Zayday present. Predatory Liz doesn’t think you can do that and when she calls them on it Chanel gets upset. Chanel says it has been one of the worst nights of her life. Her pumpkin patch was cancelled because one of those idiot twins decided he would rather be killed than keep boning Number 5. Number 5 says she is still traumatized from it. Chanel screams what about me. Chanel says she needs to,be cheered up and if it means rigging a election she expects them all to be ok with that. Chanel tells them to grab some marbles they drop a white for her and a black one for Zayday. No sooner has she gotten the words let the voting begin out of her mouth that Zayday doesn’t come breezing in.
Zayday says not so fast. Liz says you are alive. Zayday says damn straight she can’t be head of the joint if she is dead. Earmuffs pays up to Liz. Zayday sits down and ask for a diet coke on the rocks them she says make it a regular she has been through a lot. Chanel ask of Grace is with her. Chanel wants to get on with the voting. Hester says wait she wants to know what happened to Zayday. Zayday tells her about the Red Devil kidnapping her and taking her to his lair. Apparently the Red Devil is in love with Zayday …hmmmmm… So is Earl Grey in on it as well? Liz wants to call the police. Chanel says that can wait. Number 5 is having a mini freak out because the Red Devil is in love with Zayday and it took her three years before a guy would even look at her. Chanel calls Zayday a liar. Grace comes running in and says its true she saw the pit and everything. Chanel tells them to grab some marbles its time to vote.
Gigi is walking and the Red Devil is right behind her. Gigi is totally in on it and that proves one of the Red Devils is the baby. Gigi tells him he is late and then says he has to go and ask if he understands her. The Red Devil nods. Gigi says good then take care of it. Then she excuses herself for a salad date with a very special someone.
Who is he?